AN IMAGINARY COMPILATION (of sorts)….FOR THE WIFE

A guest contribution from Tim Badger

An Imaginary Compilation (Of Sorts) for the wife

This was supposed to be the B side to S-WC’s recent Imaginary Compilation on Carter USM. The journey home from Rochdale by the way was uneventful – nothing happened, there was no traffic jams, no arguments, no awful drinks stops at criminally unhygienic service stations. Nothing. It is kind of hard to write about how strangely normal it was.

The iPod on the way home gave us some fine tunes. The 11th track was ‘Kilamangiro by Babyshambles. This was an excellent choice, I am a massive Libertines/Doherty/Babyshambles fan – although to be honest I can take or leave his solo album. It was a close run thing as well as the 10th track was Elvis Costello.

mp3 : Babyshambles – Kilamangiro

So the next day when I got home I started to compile the Babyshambles album, I got to the end of the first side and then left it for a couple of days for the S-WC to add the tunes he wanted to it. He had until the weekend to decide whether he want ‘French Dog Blues’ or ‘Unbilotitled’ at the end. He will choose the latter and we both knew it but I humoured him.

It is now Saturday November 14th – the morning after Paris had woken up to the night before. Saturdays are usually a bit hectic in the Badger household. This morning is a but subdued as the shock settles in – normally I would go and do a run (Hi ‘Park Run Exeter’ if you are reading) and the wife does her thing. My wife is really into cycling – she runs an online cycle shop, maintains a cycle website and organises rides for keen enthusiasts. Today as it happens is the day of the Annual Dartmoor Bike Challenge. A bunch of them up on Dartmoor cycling between the western point to the easterly point, or something. It’s a long way.

mp3 : Mansun – Wide Open Space

I decide to meet S-WC in our favourite watering hole for a lunch time pint which would turn into three, after that my plan would be to fall asleep whilst watching repeats of The Big Bang Theory.

I’ll let you into a secret, S-WC and I are thinking of relaunching our blog, and we spend some time discussing this over a pint in the pub. We’ve had an idea called ‘One Song A Day’ – we are thinking of posting one song a day for a year (starting January 1st). There would be very few words on the blog, just a song chosen at random. Its work in progress I suppose and by progress I mean I’ve written down the words ‘One Song A Day’.

We are halfway into our second pint of Otter and are putting the finishing touches to the Babyshambles compilation at the end of side two – and I Told You!!!!!

mp3 : Babyshambles – Unbilotitled

We look at the compilation and then look at the television as news reports continue to show the disruption and chaos over in France and what we’ve done seems a little mundane and a little average and however hard we try it seems impossible to write about music right now.

Then my phone rings. It is George. George is a lady who helps my wife with the cycling stuff. She is crying. Shit. In fact double shit.

Man I hate hospitals. On reflection, that’s a silly thing to say. No one likes hospitals; they are full of sick people and illness. I’ve narrowly avoided three trolleys, two blokes walking round dragging a drip to their arms and a child carrying a huge ‘Get Well Soon’ balloon as I rushed from the car park to the ward (thanks S-WC for the high speed dash across town…).

mp3 : The Prodigy – Take Me to the Hospital

I see George and she rushes up to me and immediately starts crying and hugging me at the same time. On the phone earlier, George told me the story of what had happened. I’ll quote her directly here.

“It was the pony, I mean she saw the pony. She didn’t see the Landrover who was also avoiding the stupid fucking pony. It hit her full on and sent her and her bike flying over the hedge. Then the fucker drove off”. I kind of fell in love with George a bit at that point, she is 50 something church going spinster who I have never heard swear before. It dulled the shock. Guys, we got the blokes number plate, its alright. I’ll have him killed by the end of the month (for the benefit of the tapes and the Government – I won’t really).

mp3 : Swearin’ – Parts of Speech

Now, this being Dartmoor, the hedge was part wild thorny bush and part stone cob wall. She landed the other side of it, on her right leg and the bike came crashing down on top of her.

I braced myself as the doctor came over. He shakes my hand, never a good sign I find. He says some words which kind of go over my head. I hear ‘Unconscious’, I hear ‘Blood’ and I hear the word ‘Pelvis’. The rest sound like white noise. Ultimately she had a broken right leg and a fractured pelvis. Folks, I don’t know if any of you cycle, and I also don’t if any of you are stupid enough not to use one, but her cycle helmet almost certainly saved her from more serious injuries. I walked in the room.

The first thing that struck me was the blood.

mp3 : The Dears – Blood

I’m not squeamish at all but when it’s your nearest and dearest it’s horrific. I probably don’t need to tell you that. She is awake and obviously in a lot of pain. She has a bruise the size of Brighton on her right hand side and she can’t really move at the moment. But she is smiling. I realise that she is going to be ok when she asks me if “I’d taken the wood to the recycling centre”. No is the answer, but folks, I said yes.

mp3 : Passion Pit – I’ll Be Alright

The doctors, nurses, specialists, X Ray teams, the whole lot of them were fantastic, every single one of them is a credit to the our wonderful NHS, and whilst I shouldn’t get political on your asses, that is why, in England at least, you should all support the Junior Doctor Strikes. It’s also why we should lobby the government to remove that cretin Hunt from his position. Sorry. I’ve put the soap box away now.

The last week and a half have been pretty hard work, the wife needs constant looking after and help to get around, she didn’t want to sit in hospital – she wanted to come home. It was I think the Wednesday when I was sitting in the bedroom as she slept trying to write something about Babyshambles that I stumbled across this idea. I obviously need to make it ten songs, so the next three are for the wife. She does read this blog and I imagine that I should probably just tell her to her face, but she is everything to me, I adore her and am just so happy that she is ok.

The first two are songs that I know she loves by bands that she loves, the last one is from me to her. Thanks for reading this – if you have got this far – I apologise if I have gushed, or been soppy.

mp3 : The Horrors – Sea within A Sea
mp3 : Perfume Genius – Queen
mp3 : Caribou – Can’t Do Without You

Oh and this one is from S-WC……

mp3 : Hop Along – Waitress

Thanks for reading

TIM BADGER

JC adds…….

I’ve been in touch with Tim and I’m pleased to pass on the news that Mrs B is doing well and getting over what must have been an horrific experience.  Some of the songs within his own selection are personal faves of Mrs B and she seemingly does read this blog on occasion.

So here’ s to your continued speedy recovery….with some music to hopefully make you smile.

mp3 : Elvis Costello & The Attractions – Battered Old Bird

PS : I’m off on a 12-day holiday from tomorrow morning with Mrs Villain (Barbados since you ask…) but have cobbled together a few what I hope are reasonably entertaining postings in advance to keep things ticking over till I get back (including the ICA originally scheduled for today but shunted back to the middle of next week).  However, I’ll be unable to respond to any e-mails probably won’t drop in to respond to any comments you might leave in the interim.

11 thoughts on “AN IMAGINARY COMPILATION (of sorts)….FOR THE WIFE

  1. Sending love and warmth from the Robster household to Mrs Badger. xxx

    Oh, and good words about the NHS Tim. Support the doctors. In fact, support the NHS cause throughout. We’ll miss it when it’s gone, and if these right-wing nutjobs have their way, it will be when rather than if. I know this, because I work for the NHS myself. It’s happening folks.

  2. A post that made me hold my breath in horror, laugh out loud and sniff back a tear, all within the space of a few lines. Wishing you a speedy recovery Mrs B. (And a happy holiday JC)

  3. A swift recovery Mrs B.

    and JC, I hope it rains, only jesting of course

    and furthermore Jim Naughtie was right when he called him Jeremy Cunt.

  4. A fast recovery also from my side, and yes: get yer blog running again, most welcome! And to you, mate: happy holidays, give my regards to the Caribbean (someday I’ll be back there again!).

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