His last posting was back on 12 August 2014 when he let us know that he was heading off to work in Guyana. Well he’s back….and he’s got some scandal for us………

Three Songs by…….

So I’m back in the UK. Its cold, really cold and surprisingly its wet. I could sit here and regale you all with show off tales of the jungle, but I’m not going to. I will say if you get the chance to visit Guyana, you should probably go. Don’t go if you don’t like pineapple, humidity and rum.

Right, what’s been happening out there?

Anyone got any gossip? No?

Well listen to this then, apparently since I have been away, the man at Number 32 is now the man from Number 36, and the man from Number 36 is awaiting trial for threatening the man from number 32 with a massive plank of wood. The woman from number 32 apparently sits indoors slowly rocking and staring out of the window, slowing crocheting small lifelike dollies, which she then stabs with a hairpin. I may have made that last bit up.

In other news, the person babysitting our house has managed to

a) drink all my Bermudian Gold Rum,
b) break three mugs, and
c) totally bugger the tumble drier.

He told me about the tumble drier, so that wasn’t as much as a shock as the rum and the mugs.

Being back is weird, people I had completely forgotten even existed have spoken to me, and I am always amazed at how little life changes in a village on the outskirts of a city. The old lady with the wonky eye still has a wonky eye, the lamppost opposite the bus stop still doesn’t work, the hilarious graffiti penis is still on the side of the children’s slide, the newsagent up the road still insists on calling me Nick, despite the fact that a) its not my name, and b) I’ve told him my actual name about twelve times. So as I revert back to normality and get used to opening my door and not finding a parrot in the tree outside, or a cockroach in the bath, or a toad being eaten alive by ants, or actual bonafide aliens in the warehouse down the road (I may have made one of these up), I find myself catching up with music.

The house sitter left me a whole load of stuff on a ten GB memory stick. It’s full – a thank you for 6 months of rent free living. So instead of saving the money he blew it on rock and roll. Nice work. I blow my wages on sink cleaners, nappies and banana flavoured biscuits, I digress.

So to mark my return, here are three songs from what is so far the best thing on the memory stick, I’m only about a third of the way through though – but ladies and gents, the utterly wonderful Merchandise.

mp3 : Merchandise – Little Killer
mp3 : Merchandise – Green Lady
mp3 : Merchandise – Who Are You?



It’s good to have him back. Amazing how he just turns up as the Moz series draws to a close. It’s almost as if he timed it deliberately.